Another 34 Vintage Recipes That Make Us Grateful for Takeout and Microwaves

Just when you thought it was safe to open another retro cookbook, we're back with even more culinary crimes from the past. If our first list of vintage recipes made you grateful for modern takeout, frozen pizza, and air fryers, wait till you see this round. We've got gelatin monstrosities with mysterious lumps, color combos that defy logic, and meat-based desserts that absolutely no one asked for.

These aren't just meals, they're psychological experiments. Somewhere along the way, someone thought tuna and lime Jell-O belonged in the same dish. Someone else decided ham should be "whipped." And apparently, in the 60s, if it didn't involve mayo or aspic, it wasn't dinner.

So grab a microwavable burrito and feast your eyes (not your stomach) on these 34 vintage recipe disasters. You survived the first batch - now let's see if your appetite survives the sequel.

Author image for John Summers John Summers
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  • 01

    Beef ring for microwave, 1971

    ORIENTAL BEEF RING 32 H FOR THE MICROWAVE OVEN For quicker and more-even cooking in a microwave oven, shape meat loaf in a ring mold, then turn mixture out into a non-metal pie plate before micro-cooking. Use part of the chow mein noodles in the Oriental Beef Ring and toss the remaining noodles with the cooked pea pods. BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS® RECIPE CARD LIBRARY
    via FAUST44
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  • 02

    PIQUANT HERRING SALAD

    PIQUANT HERRING SALAD Photograph by courtesy of Herring Industry Bureau Farmer's Wife CREAM RECIPE CARD
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  • 03

    Cherry Pork Chops, 1971

    CHERRY PORK CHOPS FOR THE SLOW COOKER 31 L You need just a few ingredients to make Cherry Pork Chops. You can even save using a bowl by mixing the sauce in the crockery cooker before adding the chops. The sauce combines cherry pie filling, lemon. juice, bouillon granules, and mace. Serve some sauce over chops. BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS® RECIPE CARD LIBRARY
    via FAUST44
  • 04

    Mini Hot Dogs in some purple dip

    MINI HOT DOG ROAST Join-In Party Foods 637 After wieners are toasted, they Relishes are removed from are placed in buns. base of cabbage halves. 22 Betty Crocker's Step-by-Step Recipes
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  • 05

    Pineapple mint freeze, 1971

    PINEAPPLE MINT FREEZE MORE FROZEN DESSERTS AND SALADS Frozen salads, such as Pineapple Mint Freeze, are easy on the cook because they can be made well in advance of serving time and stashed away in the freezer. This salad is as refreshing as a cool summer breeze, and makes an excellent companion for a lamb entrée. BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS RECIPE CARD LIBRARY 39 F
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  • 06

    Lobster balls, 1968

    7 Lobster balls (Loong har kow)
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  • 07

    Eel Bordeaux, 1971

    Lamprey eel, Bordeaux style
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  • 08

    I know this is probably tasty but... look at it!

    Brunch Eggs with Creamed Salmon Eggs and Omelettes Card 12 MCMLXXXIV MY GREAT RECIPES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN HOLLAND 5
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  • 09

    Snail soup, 1968

    Snails, Cauderan style
    via FAUST44
  • 10

    Green tomato pie, 1975

    GREEN TOMATO PIE Nature's Bounty 404 To peel green tomatoes, place in boiling water 2 minutes, then in cold; peel. Cut the slices into fourths. Place pastry in pie plate. Cut slits in second round of pastry; place over filling and unfold. Seal and flute the edge. Cover the edge of the pastry with foil. 14 Betty Crocker's Step-by-Step Recipes
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  • 11

    Sponge cake and ricotta, 1968

    CARRIER INTERNATIONAL COOKERY CARD 20 Cassata alla Siciliana
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  • 12

    Liver Beehive :(

    LIVER BEEHIVE
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  • 13

    Macaroni in a melon! 1968

    v
    via FAUST44
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  • 14

    Tuna With Rice

    TUNA WITH RICE 9-S HURRY-UP MAIN DISHES 16 The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library
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  • 15

    Corn dogs in a cabbage and baked beans

    recipe, page 68) They're rench-fried wieners em in corn-meal batter). onco off cabbage holder, chili sauce. urself to hot ans. Set to!
    via FAUST44
  • 16

    Fish House Punch, 1977

    3-11 The 2 in 1 International Recipe Card Collection Punch 197 Fish House Punch (Serves 24) 1½ cups superfine sugar 1 bottle dry white wine 1 pint lemon juice 1 fifth dark rum 1 fifth golden rum 1 fifth brandy 1½ cups peach brandy 1½ cups apricot brandy Heat sugar, wine, and lemon juice and stir well; add remaining in- gredients and let stand at room temperature 3 hours. Chill well. Pour into punch bowl and add Peach Ice Ring. Peach Ice Ring: Arrange peach halves in bottom of 6-cup ring mold and
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  • 17

    ok but why is it blue?!

    APPETIZERS & PARTY FOODS Sandwich Loaf CARD 64 1973 Curtin Publications, Inc., New York, N.Y. PRINTED IN U.S.A.
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  • 18

    Creamed Liver Loaf

    CREAMED LIVER LOAF PICNICS 2 CARD 16
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  • 19

    How is that a "Taco"?!

    Budget Best Bets 9 FISH “TACOS" Weight Watchers Recipe Cards
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  • 20

    Creamed Eggs in a Corned Beef Crust

    Cheezburger Image 10536208384
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  • 21

    Chicken Liver Mousse, 1973

    SATURDAY NIGHT PARTIES 13d MOUSSE OF CHICKEN LIVERS McCall's Great American Recipe Card Collection
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  • 22

    Tuna Cheese Macaroni Loaf

    28. Tuna-Cheese-Macaroni-Loaf
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  • 23

    What is it?!

    Snacks, Beverages, and Light Meals SNACKS ON A STICK 22 Weight Watchers® Recipe Cards
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  • 24

    Cottage Cheese and Corn Salad

    COTTAGE CHEESE AND CORN SALAD EGG AND CHEESE DISHES CARD 19
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  • 25

    PIMIENTO PURÉE

    Snacks, Beverages, and Light Meals /16 PIMIENTO PURÉE PIMENTO PURÉE 2 cups fresh, cooked asparagus 2 (7-ounce size) jars pimentos, drained 1/2 cup skim milk 2 raw asparagus spears, to garnish 2 lemon slices Place first 3 ingredients in blender container; process at medium speed until puréed. Place puréed mixture in saucepan. Cook over low heat for 5 minutes. Pour evenly divided into 2 glasses. Garnish each se with 1 asparagus spear and lemon slice. Makes 2 ings.
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  • 26

    Raisin Burger relish

    RAISIN BURGER GARDEN RELISH Photograph by courtesy of California Raisin Bureau PICNICS CARD 30
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  • 27

    Sole Souffles with Asparagus, 1967

    ROBERT CARRIER COOKING CARD 35 Sole Souffles with Asparagus
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  • 28

    This actually sounds ok compared to everything else

    11-AA GROUND BEEF TO THE RESCUE 18 MEAT PIE IN MACARONI CRUST CADERNE The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library
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  • 29

    Rice pudding pear cake, 1967

    ROBERT CARRIER COOKING CARD • 18 Rice à la Royale
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  • 30

    Wait, What?!

    Cheezburger Image 10536210432
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  • 31

    Daiquiri Salad, 1975

    DAIQUIRI SALAD Split-Shift Specials 229 For quick setting, place the gelatin mixture in a container of ice and water; stir often. Use a melon baller to scoop round uniform balls from the honeydew melon as shown. 8 Betty Crocker's Step-by-Step Recipes
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  • 32

    Pig's Knuckles, 1971

    ALL Zealand pig's knuckles (Holland)
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  • 33

    Lobster Salad Heligoland, 1959

    Cheezburger Image 10536212480
    via FAUST44
  • 34

    It looks like someone already ate it

    CROWD-SIZE ENTERTAINING 2 LADIES' SEAFOOD THERMIDOR 8-P The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library
    via FAUST44

Tags

1990s 90s memes retro nostalgia 80s music Nostalgia Overload 80s 90s kids 90s memory lane nostalgia memes millennial-nostalgia 1980s
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